Not a Song. Not a Drama.

The air is musky, the ambience is warm...
yet I shiver inside...colder than ice...
Children's laughters echo the house,
Yet I heard silence, complete silence... not even a squeak of a mice.

I am afraid... really afraid...
there I sat, facing the lifeless computer...
defacing the lively you. As I fear you might see my sorrow,
see my worries... and to see my pain.

I won't cry...
Cause I knew you won't die...
I know it so...
Hence I dare not show worries, regret nor a silent sigh...

There comes a day when you must leave me,
But let's not make it today, tomorrow or any years near...
As we will always be your lil babies...
Needing your guidance, and assurance to ward off fear.

I hide behind you, as you're my sanctuary...
With you gone, I'm fragile as ever...
What's left will be buckets of memory, and nights of misery.
With pain to the heart from a blunt cleaver.

If all I may, to negotiate with fate...
I would trade off a few years from my age.
In exchange for an ending in slower rate,
Cause you're important to me...
in every chapter...
to every page.

Déjà Vu

In a surreal land, where the sky was filled with hues of purple and hints of orange...
there she was, resting under the shimmering stars of blue, sheltered by the glimmering coupola.

She seemed to be waiting,
awaiting someone or some sign from fate. But her posture seems inviting enough to pull me closer... Step by step I drew myself closer, there she was... staring at a withered rose she grasp ever so firmly by her hand...
The vague vision slowly clarifies itself in par with every step I make.
Indulged she was within her deep thoughts...
Only upon landing a wrong feet towards the pottery of roses; she then lifted her head up...
I have disturbed her thoughts... yet she greeted me with a smile, a vague smile...
fogged by her frowning eyes.

The forceful smile troubles my mind...
I can't help but to return her smile with another smile not any more sincere than she was.
Somehow... I felt her pain...
The strong urge to hold her by my arms... and stroke her from head to back into a comforting and securing status...

"You're safe now... you can cry in my arms... and I will never let go..." I said...

She gently placed her palms on the contour of my chest... and lay her head aligned to the intersection of my shoulder and neck...
and from there... she lifted her head...and captivated my vision with her smoky eyes... highlighted by her smeared mascara, which only magnified the effect.
Partially evaporated droplets of water by her mascara stains, were hints of a sad past and tears filled with sorrow...

She then slowly moved her hand towards my left cheek securing a position under the curvy lines formed slightly under the ear...
Her lips slightly parted...
and her jaws began to shake as she voice her thoughts...
or questions to be exact...

"Are you... the one....... I'm waiting for?" she asked...

I stared deeper into her eyes...
My soul lost in her eyes while my mind trapped within a labyrinth walled with questions...

"I...."
appears to be the only answer which I gave through the 5 mins span, hanging... and lost for words...
5mins... seemed to be an eternity at that very moment. She was anticipating an answer...
And I needed time to search for the answer...

Every reaction is bounded by an action... while every action is bounded by moral values, rationality and justifications...
However the heart always works in contrast towards the rational mind...
With all I may... I wished to say "Yes... I am!" with a firm voice and a slightly tightened hug...
But with these 3 words... there holds a greater responsibility I'm speculative of bearing.

Her patience cannot tolerate any more prolonged waiting and hesitation...
she demanded an answer... as she sighed and gradually move her head downwards... away from my vision... while pressures increased from her palms... trying to deflect my embracement...

I had to let go...
It never took long for her to return to her original posture and indulgement of thoughts...
While a travelator slowly formed from ground... just below my feet...
dragging my heavy body away from her...

Silent I remained...
she glanced back at me... in disappointment...
As I mumble under my breath... "i'll be back when i have the answer... bear with me...."
I stare blankly as the beautiful maiden... along with the surreal settings... vanished into a pin point over the horizon of sight...

*chimes of Nokia's signature music over-repeatedly played in the background*

It was already 9.00 a.m. Time for school...
It seemed somewhat like a dream...
but I know...
I must go back for her when I'm sure... hoping that it's not too late for a honest confession.

Missing Driver

There comes a time when one feels completely lost at his/her own identity.
What's left is but your name, age and sex.
Perhaps this is not a common seen scenario in most of people's life.
However, such cases occured in my life from time to time, as if history is repeating itself over and over again like a broken cassette player.
It could be that I am a snake, always eager to have a shed of skin, gaining a new set of skin for appraisals or fear.
Nonetheless, it is through these moments in my life, I get to question myself of my purpose in life and to find new motivations in things I do.
This time however, is totally different...
Normally it would only take a week or less to reassemble the broken pieces of myself and continue with my enthutiastic life.
It has been a month now.
I'm still at lost. As if a fragment of me is missing... somewhere in this abyss of my heart.
My mind is occupied by a blackhole where every issues that matters are being ionized into insignificant particles thrown into the recycle bin.

Perhaps it is due to a fall in gradings...a miscalculation which shakens the very foundation of my confidence.
Or a series of nostalgic awakenings... that brings turmoil into my calm state of mind.
Whatever it is... I'm not sure...
Actually... I have no idea.
But this has to end soon.
As more projects are on its way... and this self discovering process is overused as an excuse for procrastination.
Procrastination needs no excuse. Laziness is infinite.
But this is not the case...
I wish to complete my assignments early.
I wish to be motivated in life!

But there is simply no driving force left in me...
If a car breaks down... No matter how severe the injury is at stake....
There deems to be a solution...
But when the driver is missing... The car is simply... stationary.
Don't give me craps about automated cars... and AI drivers...
This car, being this carapace I'm trapped within, simply would not budge without a driver.
Forget a new set of engines...
Forget a new set of wheels...
Forget a brand new paintjob...

A car just can't live without a driver.

Headache

I believe the title is self explanatory.
Eating and sleeping too much could inflict a certain amount of damage to your body.
Too much of something, is always a bad thing.

I'll be back.

Walking Down Memory Lane. Part 1

不知不觉我不知不觉慢慢喜欢你从一开始发现你坚强带一点孩子气从一开始看你外表到现在你内在的美丽忽冷忽热你忽冷忽热那个是真正的你虽然你的号码都已经在我的手机里害怕这问题会影响到我们一开始的友谊but i don't wanna be lonely 不求甚黱 只求快乐(简单的快乐)你今晚是否也会感觉到一点点寂寞but i don't wanna be lonely 不求甚黱 只求快乐你今晚是否也会感觉到一点点寂寞可我不太愿意看著时光流去我却没有勇气说喜欢你和你一起 i never will be…i'll never…never be lonely i don't wanna be lonely 不求甚黱 只求快乐(简单的快乐)你今晚是否也会感觉到一点点寂寞oh i don't wanna be lonely 不求甚黱 只求快乐你今晚是否也会感觉到一点点寂寞你今晚是否也会感觉到一点点寂寞不知不觉我不知不觉慢慢喜欢你从一开始发现你坚强带一点孩子气从一开始看你外表到现在你内在的美丽

Emotions

I...
recently all ups and downs...
the fluctuations of emotions...
a potent mixture of emotions all in one giant brew of sigh....

shall update... another day...
must be that day of the month again...

Road to Architecture

Architect, originated from the Greek term arkhitekton, which simply means... Master in All.
But now, what remain of an architect was the result of starving society and the integrating population in which resulted divisions of architecture.
The interior designing, furniture designing, engineering, land surveying, estimating was all under the package of architecture.
However due to rising trend of specialization back in the 18th hundreds, the complexity within the build environment studies have been broken down to divisions and branched out to sub-divisions.
All the better to ensure performance and to further secure new positions for uprising population, in order to counter unemployment.
Such economical planning have made the meat insufficient to go around.
Engineers stripping off architects' projects as they have ample knowledge of making a building stand. Often lacking in aesthetic and passion within their designs, entrepeuners seriously don't give a damn. Poisoned by conservative thoughts, corrupted by greed, many prefer a profit yielding structure in comparison towards an awe-inspiring building.

Everybody can design.
What differentiates an architect and those broken down from the very core of architecture, is the soul. The soul in which a building possesses.
Yet lacking in mullah~ requirements for a qualified architect increases. It seems, payroll and requirements for an architect exists in inverse.
An Architect is no longer the master in all...as I've mentioned earlier, due to specialization.
You can't be a master in construction if your engineer says no to your formworks.
You can't be a master in design if your client wants to add a big chunk of his money infested mind into ur design with lil regard of what your degree holds.

But the irony in such progress is that architects required to have a certain degree of understanding towards every context of architecture, yet... forbidden from full intervention.
What seems to be the head of construction, is now an advisor ppl give less and less respect to.
All they want appears to be your nicely drawn signature with curvy lines and a trustee AR authorization seal/chop.
The modern architect pretty much mirrors my personal traits.
Jack of all trades, master in none.

Yet taking this route is never easy to begin with.
It's tedious just to be the Jack of all trades.
In common degrees, pupils within the course were often flooded with the similar form of assignment. Either calculation, writings, events, handicrafts... etc.
You think your course is tough?
Wait till you tasted mine.
What makes architecture a living hell from majority of the population is that...
Your life is still hell no matter how gifted you are.
As we are flooded with every form of assignments out there.
First they flood you with writings, thesis, research papers, then they flood u with handicrafts, model making, or calculations and site visits compulsory to attend without lecturer's supervision.
Whereas courses like bussiness, engineering... when you're gifted, you can simply slack as you enjoy the panoramic view of your damned classmates. Why? There's nothing you need to worry... the information is simply within your head... you just need to extract em, of course with reference towards the general fact of "practice makes perfect."

Being the Jack, we don't have time to practice till perfection.
We are thrown at with random form of assignments...
With dealines deeming greater and greater after every individual challenge.
In the end...

We are but corrupted builders or simply...
a poor designer.

Nothing Matters

Even if the love had subside...
Even if the memories no longer abide...

It does not matter...

As all I am... and all I wish to be...
Is that one sincere friend of yours...

wishing you...

Happy Birthday.

Success is 1%... & 99%...

Success is 1% genius and.... ah... yada yada~ u know the rest.
Through this adventure of knowledge seeking...
we often stumble upon interesting personalities left unexplored in new people we meet.
Human, similar with animals, has this tendency to group along the same genre of people.
Such as... Ethnic groups, religious groups, cultural groups...and so on and so forth...
Hence we gain lil chance of studying people from various type of groups we never dedicate our lives for.
And from the big ethnic groups or religious... we broken into smaller fragments...
the cool, the geeky, the nerdy, the techies... bla bla bla~
The human organization is very much like the human body.

Individual--> Organ --> System --> Cell (forgive me if I got it wrong. Not a bio student)

The complexity within the human society is beyond reckoning. Even to that extend... we were still able to break down the groups... into debris... and even dusts...
We can break it into the fun group, the not so fun group... and from there we can break it down into the best fren group, the common fren group...

But there's just one group one needs to identify within your college group...
Not the hardworking...
Not the smart...
Definitely not the slackers!

But the passionate.
It makes no use if u're hardworking but bounded by intelectual growth...
It makes no joy if u're smart and hold no respect for others.
And... slackers... no comment.

If one wishes to form an assignment party...
it is advisable to select the average teammates who covers the incentive of working overtime and equiped with sufficient amount of knowledge.
And above all, one must have passion.

How do you define one with passion?
From time to time I have encountered numerous amount of unpassionate leechers within my group.
They share certain similarities...
1. They give up almost at an instance.
2. They are gifted in conjuring unlimited amount of excuses in a blink of the eye.

I just see no point in finding excuses to coverup for one's laziness.
You don't tell me you can't do certain thing if I am capable of doing it.
I don't see you having one limb lesser than I do.
And I see no damn reason for you to give up without even trying.

Often enough, they give excuses like "I am just not talented in this* or that*"
then I see no reason why you choose to enroll in architecture.
I really see no reason at all.
It's because you lack in skill in certain fields, hence you need to give in twice as more to compensate on what is lost in quality in quantity.
If you think you can't from the start, I don't see why you think that you would be able to nail the degree.
The possibilities are close to null.

Think about it.
No more excuse!
No more procrastination!

SHOW ME PASSION!

Bad Week

It has been a very unfortunate week.
Not to mention the tension between group members in assignments...
life being filled with that awe feeling of regret making the wrong decisions...
Well, guess that's not enough of a challenge for me I guess.
Fate had to step in and gave me 2 more kicks in da ass...

It was recently... few days back...
~A Vios in Red... was dancing with me....
Cheek to cheek~
Forgive me for the lyrics pun...
Yes... I meant it literally...
A Vios in Red had to sneak out from the opposite lane... sticking it's ugly face towards my beautiful civic....
Yeah... she rammed into my lane....
Her fault exactly.
Nothing much to argue about.
Well... guess wut?
Scenario: The driver,Girl recently took her P lisence off... who had no idea what a rear mirror is for...
The victim, a boy alive walking away from numerous attempt of traffic stunts.
The owner of Vios, an experienced man... worthy of youths' respect in this modern society.

So... as the story goes... the Girl, a bimbo... put on her signal when she was at full stop on the left lane...with the count of 2, she rammed into my lane which was on the right... where cars were speeding down from a flyover...
Vios kiss Civic.
She had to came up with the lamest excuse there is in the book of "Dumb things to say during an accident." She exclaimed... "not my fault! I put on the signal before I came out."
Harlow!
Pls keep an eye on speeding cars before barging into ppl's lane like that.
That is inhumane, impolite and improper!
If I was a biker... My face would've skidded along the divider 30 meters off collision point.

Well, it's alright if she's willing to admit her wrong and compensate.
But no... she resisted... and consulted her dad for professional advise.
Well, her dad asked me to report ...
So fine... I guess this is the not so gentleman way of saying...
"Here, claim my insurance... my daughter is a noob. forgive her"
But heck no.
Of all the things that sneaky lil bastard attempted was nothing but pure evil...
He tried to frame me into being the convict instead of the victim.
Here he wrote in the report paper for her daughter "A car came out of no where from the right lane, with astonishing speed similar to a B18C type R Integra modified with K20A maniful(k i added that myself), and ran it's head onto my wonderful vios..."
er.... hallow?
with such speed if i ram into ur ugly vios... ur car would've split in 2... and ur daughter wouldve ended up in the other side of the highway.
sigh... and above all... that old sneaky smelly old fart wasn't even in the scene of the accident!
What a liar.
He shows no sign of regret what so ever... even when justice was brought to a sheer understanding...
He still have the guts to finger me from afar cursing my ancestors to rose from their planar graves.
What a fart!
Justice prevails! Go to Hell sinful Vios!

So now... since I've got my justice back... What's so bad about my life?
Well... first off...
I had to send my cars for damage repair... causing inconvenience in my life of schooling...
conducting a series of fluctuations in my academic performance.
Sec of all... Just found out... dated back since 2005... I've accumulated a total eye-opening sum of 10 summons.
Wheee!!!!
Third of all...
I still can't figure out a way for me to get to school without my car.
Forth of all,
My thumbdrive is infested with some indon virus I brought back from campus.
Fifth of all...
I had to clear every single important file in my pc in order to kill the damn virus.
DAMN YOU VIOS!
DAMN YOU MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT!
DAMN YOU INDON STUDENT WHO BROUGHT THE VIRUS!
DAMN DAMN DAMN!


K... so what I plan to do?
No idea... right now... I shall hide in my room... till my parents get to sleep...
That's the only way to dodge a long session of lecture after a series of unfortunate events.

Oh ya... Have I mentioned how much I hated Vios?

Family First

Often enough friends were astonished by my perspective of family bondings.
From a drastic downflow of an ever obeying mindless zombie, to a rebellious juvenile...
After a deep state of hibernation, fully metamorphed into a family loving adult.

Had been occupied with wave after waves of assignment deadlines.
All work and no play makes Zen a dead boy rather than a dull one.
pretty much seem like a neverending cycle replaying itself everytime a day was sealed with a few hours of rest in bed.
But it's sheer satisfaction as you watch your project slowly taking form, gaining appraisals.
While the pain and stress is inevitable, family makes up for what is lack in quantity... to be compensated in quality.

Even a phone call from a caring mother deems to be more precious than gold.
Breaking misunderstandings... Forming greater bonds.
While some deny the importance of family in conjuction with the availability of friends and lover in their love... sorry enough... my family has no replacement.
Friendship and love seems pretty vague in my perspective this very instance...

When the world speculates me on every rumors out there...
My family deems to be the first party wishing that only the best scenario applies.
Whereas I face dreadful truths of friends wishing the for the utter bullshit in which they heard, to be true...
People only choose to believe what they like to hear...
Negative media materials deem a higher value in society... yet it never applies in my family if it involves me...
Do tell me how forgiving god is.
That is for preachers to spread and believers to tell... It is something I cant experience.
Whereas family is the real deal. Family take you in for the wrongest of path you made... as long as a will to change exists. They see hope in me... so does your's in you.

When your lover failed to apply love in moments of confusion... your family will still prove theirs no matter how big the misunderstanding was aroused. In an angry tone my mom will interrogate if I had have my lunch even the fact remains that our water is still tense. These are small aspects of life where most people fail to see in family. While your lover will just not give anymore than 2 cents worth of care to your miserable life after an intense verbal battle.

I am thankful for the assignments that kept me occupied. It opened my mind to previously existed love which I have forgone.
Just two days back, a scenario where I was working my ass off in my father's factory for an upcoming assignment... late at night...
And in the midst of angst and frustration... the automatic gate ascended... with glaring beems of HID lights shone directly in my eyes...
Was it god himself?
That I do not know... but definitely an angel.
An angel descended from my family in aid for my project.
None other than my brother, who shares the same gene pattern, not ur everyday..."yo brother" kind of brother.
He insisted in helping...
Working with me through the night... neglecting of his early shift ahead of him the very next day.
While my worried mom brought over home cooked meal directly from home to the factory to fill my dying stomach.
Revived. My heart melted by heat furnaced with love...
Bringing a stronger value of family importance in my life...

They have made a difference.
They can only make a difference... if we open our hearts into understanding.
Sigh...
They only gave me a heavier heart to my previous plan of furthering my studies abroad.
But I will still go ahead as plan. As family bonding, is one relationship invulnerable towards time, money, wealth, and speculations. I know I will always have my rightful position in their heart nothing can strip away from.

Flaws

It is often with flaws that objects and incidents deem to be memorable and more often than not, beautiful.
Flaws are the last boundary towards perfection... yet without flaws... how do we define perfection?
And the irony in the role which flaw portrays in every relationship...
Everyone wishes for a perfect relationship... but very often when the relationship fails, it eventually turned sour/flawed etc.
However... it is undeniable that with these flaws... it made us question on an alternate ending...
the big... "WHAT IF?"
yeah... what if you hadn't slept with another girl? What if you hadn't found out about their affair? What if you haven't said the wrong words?
Then... everything would be different!

Sadly, there is no mean of telling... it is just for the audiences to speculate...
and the actors to imagine...
No point thinking of alternate realities... as there are many variables in consideration when one relationship fails.
All variables tend to chain in one big circle causing a chemical reaction once triggered...
The interlocking between the giant chain takes a lot of misunderstanding to form...
Hence... there isn't much of a "what if?"

But it is with these flaws and questions in which; a failed relationship is deemed to be so beautiful...
Maybe it's just me...the only one finding flawed relationships a beauty... as the question will always be there...in the mind, one can hardly resist in wandering around in search of a better answer...
Especialling with loves you can't get...
which leaves much more holes to fill and many more questions to answer.

As for me,
I love it just the way it is...
Flawed... questionable...
always so memorable...
and all of them...
were personified... to be beautiful.

Maybe it is best to let it be...
Maybe it is best to be the spectator rather than the player...
Maybe it is best to remain this way...
so I can admire from a far...
So they can be beautiful...


always.

Numb

Sigh...
A very dull day...
I broke my ostrich egg...
AHHHH!!!!
And how do u tell if you're bored?

Well...
U will waste time away editing your pic.

Here u go.

Spot the obvious.

You're Beautiful

To that lovely mass comm girl...
in spaghetti stripe and denim jacket matched with cute ballerina shoes ...

My life is brilliant...
My love is pure...
I saw an angel, of that i'm sure...
She smiled to me in the lift...
She's with another man(I think... cause... impossible lor, so beautiful no bf. Unless she's a lesbo? Woah... I love lesbos... wait... I'm drifting away...)
But I'll lose no sleep on that, cause I've got a plan(yeah rite, I don't even dare to ask for her name)

And... this is where the essence of my message lies...

You're beautiful...
you're beautiful...
It's true...
I saw your face...
In a crowded lab (IT lab 4)
And I don't know what to do (seriously... I really dont know what to do)
Cause I cannot be with you.

Yes you caught my eyes... as you walk on by...
She could see from my face that I'm...blushing SHY!
And I don't think I'll see her again...(unless I camp around the mass comm IT lab or the carpark... *smirks*)
But we shared a moment that'd last to the end...(at least for me I'm sure)

One last time! Those who knew this song, SING ALONG! Friends above the hill, *points and wave* "Lei Dei Hou!" Friends on the trees... *points to trees* "Lei Dei Hou!!!!"

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're beautiful, It's true...
There must be an angel...with a smile on her face...
When she thought up that I should be with you...
But it's time to face the truth...
I will never...
Be...
With...
You.

Lovey Dovey

Love filled the air as time slowly approaches to the mid of February.
A month of joyous celebration towards the greatest feeling ever perceived.
In celebration of Love.
Shopping malls, markets, entrepeuners, radio stations, all mastered under 1 source...
Greed.
Took no hesitation in exploiting love blinded lovers into farming more wealth for them.
Everywhere selling propagandas, new love ideologies... yet all lead to one conclusion... that is to burn wealth into furnacing love.
Yet occasionally, they still manage to strike inspirations into lost minds and subjects in which i could reflect on...
From a series of broadcasted waves, it revived the moments where i am a lost love bird myself; right in front of my eyes.

When one slowly plunges into this quicksand of mixes feelings, one tends to lost rationality and conciousness...
Very often when we awake from these blissful mementos only will the pain sets in.
The feeling so intensed, so potent... regardless of any aftermath pain, one cant hesitate to plunge head-on into the quicksand over and over again...

As if recovering from amnesia, i recalled scenes in which; i've seen myself doing things miraculously beyond words to explain.
Writing love letters with unfiltered hair-raising-romance, addressing one another with CUTE titles, Ah Bee Bee, Ah Goo Goo, Ah Buu Buu...
yet these names appear to be incantation descended from the greatest of our ancestors.
Incantation capable of acting like a double edge sword.
As prescribed, if called upon prisoner enslaved by the summoner's love, the summoner holds the power of controlling the slave to his/her heart's desire.
But never attempt the reading of incantation amongst unaffected souls...
even the slightest whisper, deems to be shrilling pain in their ears.

Hock Hock, Chuan Chuan... incantations once held my freedom...
now no longer hold any significance in my life...
but the shrilling pain still perceives...
the slavers, now practices a whole new form of spell...
in which solemnity emits from your soul... and fills the tensed atmosphere of their every presence...
New incantations... projecting your very full name...
you held lil choice in adjusting ur colar... and raising ur slouching body... to then a forceful smile... followed by a stiffed bow... in reacting towards the spell.

So much memories flashed upon my face within that split second which triggered my thought...
Lamenting on the days where my corny love notes were enchanted with a gift to light up a smile... now... resolved to pieces of chill bringing eye-horror, but reading it again... did light up a smile upon my face...
It's all in the process of life...Joy, bliss, love then comes the inevitable pain, sadness, horror...guilt...

It's with these feelings, one shall learn to appreciate mood soothing moments a lil more...
without pain, there would be no significance for joy....
I wonder what new incantations have they uncovered into mastering their love slaves...
Haha... prolly something cornier...
Another smirk appeared as I imagine them with their current lovers... happily cuddling under the mesmerizing moon...
I felt happy for them... even that they now walk pass through me like wraiths, omitting my very presence...

May all find their valentines in this love filled February...
*smiles*
And to those above the quicksand...
Here's Ocean Deep by Cliff Richard to u...

For Blue Skies

It's been a long year
Since we last spoke
How's your halo?
Just between you and I
You and me and the satellites
I never believed you I only wanted to
Before all of this
What did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can't get used to it
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'll never get used to it

I'm under that night
I'm under those same stars
We're in a silver car
You asleep at my side
Going in and out of the headlights
Could I have saved you?
Would that've betrayed you?
I wanna burn this film
You alone with those pills
What you couldn’t do
I will I forgive you
I'll forgive you
I'll forgive you
I forgive you

For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
I'll forgive you
by:Strays Don't Sleep

The rage of the great forest finally subsides...
Gushes of soothing vein rushes through the forest canopy.
Carrying with them was this song sang by nymphs, calming the complicated ambience previously existed in the great forest...
Striking conscious into minds...
To those who doesn't feel they need to be forgiven...
It's just good to let you know...
I'll forgive you.

Sworn Duties

Reputation no longer means anything to me...
Broken from the chains of conservations...
Unbounded waves of attack...
People choose to believe what they like to believe in.

And it doesn't matter what I have in defence of myself.
It shall nvr deem possible to satisfy every single soul within the unaccounted majority.
It's always appealing to see an alternative ending towards a movie,
what more could I say towards an alternative judgement of one's personality.

Being rated as a gentleman, is a burden.
Yet at this very instance...
I don't feel the significance of keeping it anymore...
I am, who I am. Speculate all you want...Fill your lust for conspiracy and hoax...
As this reputation, were given by the public...
The public deems full liability in forfeiting my current title.

Speculate how low Kz could get...
rest assure this one thing...
No matter how tainted my history gets...
it is pointless to hold a grudge against anyone...
And I will nvr resolve the same barbaric act of pillaging fame ...
as I have sworn to uphold the unwritten codes of honor in which every Kz has to practice.
U swore this code once...
But I guess U failed to uphold it...

Thank you for repaying me with your very own version of gratitude.
I'm sorry...
I guessed... I cause more pain than what I expected.
Causing promises to be forgotten,
ethics to be broken.
Maybe I tend to look too highly upon myself?
It doesn't matter anymore...
Reputation is totally insignificant compare to that frenship I have lost...
In the process of attacking my reputation... you burned yourself...

I feel pain in knowing how much grudge u held for me...
I felt pain in seeing ur self inflicted markings...
I totally lost faith in ur words...
Yet... I have the tendency to protect your privacy...
To uphold your reputation...
Not out of promises itself...but out of feelings.

It actually feels better putting down this burden of mine...
This shall be the last time I would allow you to hurt me...
The human heart has just so much limit to spare.
Life is indeed a masquerade...
btw, you dropped your mask.

Innane Shopping

Previously, Kz started his voyage deep within the unexplored regions of the dense jungle.
As days passed, all he saw were nothing but trees, trees and even more trees. If lucks deem to be in favor of Kz's path, cute lil critters tend to emerge from nowhere in company of his.
In fact, Kz is not on a mindless voyage where random routes were plotted, but to the fact that he is a man with a vision. A vision to revolutionize the world through his art and ideologies.
Through the week, Kz received a message from his mentor from Mount Olympus through a high-speed lightning spear which descended from the heaven itself.
Within the spear itself tied a scroll in which appears to be Kz's next task.
As the scroll was unveiled, words evaporated into thin air as it floats 6 feet above air, holographic image of his mentor commanded a due date in which Kz comply.

This is what mortal scholars deem to call...an assignment.

Every assignment opens Kz's eyes a lil more, bringing a closer link to what he is about to achieve. However, in this chapter, his assignments were not to be discussed....
Rather left for the latter part of his journey.

Through the week, Kz had been very busy in accomplishing his task. A task worthy only for the demi gods or the greater beings. At the same time, he needs to continue his journey in pursuit of a right answer...
One faithful day, Kz stumble upon an run down temple in resemblance of the lost temple of Osiris. "Could this be the broken link?" Kz speaks to himself. Kz decides to investigate. Playing the role of an architect, Kz covers mass land in which the temple stood upon.
Within the temple, sections or rather chambers of ancient practices were seen. A tomb lies in the middle of the temple in which power were routed to the other temples in worship of the Egyptian Sun God. A tomb which resembles the pyramid of Giza.
However, unlike other historic tombs, the pyramid is very well ventilated and filled with swarms of zombies wandering around the premise.
Kz in fear, yet he knows he should not back off, as clearly it was a scene of evil soccery. While playing the role of the disciple of gods, he deems greater responsibility in unveiling the soccery in which was controlling such unnatural act.

He sneaks through the main entrance of the pyramid, chilling wind pierces through his veins...
Speachless, astonished...
Hidden by giant blocks of masonry, was a very much elaborated plaza with elevated levels similar of the Catal Huyuk. Only it was layers of it. Within the plaza were chambers in worship of the great gods of Fashion and the mediocores as well. It is all clear, that the zombies were in controlled by the ancient artifacts in which the Gods have left within this tainted land in tormenting restless souls for the past crimes in which they commited.
As Kz explores, famous fashion God terms were potraited upon the chamber's lintal, Gucci, Prada, Dior, Guess...
In patron were goblins taking the golden opportunity to exploit the mindless zombies into working their asses off for these lil artifacts. So it was not the Gods... rather the goblins...
Kz remains unharm as long as he pretends to be another zombie in aimless motion.

Out of nowhere, a soft soothing music capture the very attention of Kz...luring him to a chamber deep within the plaza. Kz holds his defences down as he knew mind affecting singings were only possible if it was sang by a Siren. As he ventures deeper, he began to see the source of all these soothing muzak... a creature in beautiful form, alluring to say the least... it was none other than a Siren...
Kz held lil time in casting a defensive shield...
our hero was held captive by a Siren slave, a slave for the goblins. A shame to the name of gods, Kz held lil resistance against such mind inflicting soccery. What lies within Kz's vision were just a painting of the calm sea with Sirens singing above bedrocks.
When Kz regains consciousness...
He is already out of the plaza and the temple were no where to be seen.

Within his hands were bags and bags of artifacts which deem to be useless for a disciple of god such as himself. Clearly, he was thoroughly exploited during his stay in total trance. He quickly searches for the golden arcanus branch which was given to him by his mentor. The golden arcanus branch holds several leaflets of golden arnacus leaves in aid of his tedious journey.
Kz broke into tears... what's left of his arcanus branch... is nothing more... than a prick. Leafless...
However Kz was grateful, as the goblins did not knew the combination code for his ATM card. And through this very experience... Kz learned nvr nvr to let your guard down when mindless zombies were in sight for innane shopping.

[Decipherered Version: Kz cant blog for a week cause of his heavy assignments. It was the new year so he had to buy clothes. Where? Sunway pyramid lor. Ended up spending over his budget now i deep shit cause PK jor. And he wonders whether he bought out of satisfactory wants or rather out of trend in following the sheeps.]

Chapter 1:-Acceptance

Very often we get lost in this giant maze of misconception, which is love itself.
Selflessness was practiced for that 1 special person...and more often than not...
we do lost our self in the process.
Even after a traumatizing breakup... we still tend to leave loopholes within the deepest sanctum of our memory enabling an alternative rewrite of a totally different ending.
In a complex process of database rebuild, without consent towards the operative system... our heart tends to construct its very own defensive shield against possible similar threats from reinventing itself.

The story begins with a twist out of ordinary scenes where boy meets girl... to a whole new approach...
An image of a dense jungle in moonlight were projected onto the screen...
Where Kz sits in isolation under a large oak tree pondering if he had made the right choice leaving that one girl he truely loves. Slides of memory slips through his mind as he tries to search for the best possible answer...
And that one moment appears, where Kz foresees girl laughing heartlity with a shadow figure with a voice clearly which is not his...
He clenched his jaw in anger... yet the raging blood gushing throughly his veins were tamed... by her radiant laughter... An event as magnificent as the hanging garden of babylon and even greater than the rebuild of Atlantis...
He then understands... that true happiness is never about owning...rather the mutual happiness one experiences as he/she witness joy from the person he/she loves... even from afar.
Kz actually wrote girl a letter...
wishing her the very best... and sincerely blessing eternal love for the two of them lovebirds.
Heart broken... what's left were debris... even with profuse bleeding... Kz smiles, knowing that girl does not need to suffer as he does...selflessness is not a program where u can off with a click of a button...
With spiritual guidance and moral support from friends... Kz slowly regains himself...as the doctors slowly amends his heart... we were able to see a progress... Kz manages to stand once more...
He knew that girl will always hold a significant place within the loopholes of his memory...
But one special day...as he tries to make a call towards girl asking of her wellbeing, he remained stone for minutes which seems like hours... trying to remember girl's cellphone number which was once imprinted in his heart. Surprisingly, even the deepest imprint were scratched away by the coarse sands of time... He then knew that girl no longer remains within variable memories... but writen in fix ones... where hatred were deleted and admiration remains. Where memories were preserved but feelings were erased...

Not fully healed... but Kz knows that his place does not remain here in this glass house where he can hide himself from threats... He packed his bag... opens the door... and ventured deeper into the dense jungle once more...

In pursuit...
In pursuit of what?
That is for him to find out...
and soon enough for the audiences to know...


This is a story about a boy... in teenhood... slowly advancing to manhood.
This is a story about a patient whom had experienced the miracle of time...where debris were amended and wounds were healed...
This is a new chapter...
A new start... for a boy... named Kz.