In dedication...

Age 1 - 6:

I am the baby whom gave you 6 hours of labor pain in the ward in the morning of 18th in the rainy season of July.

I am the baby which you neglected due to your heavy load of work.

I am the child who thought being you was easy.

I am the child who showers in the love of many caring souls... yet nvr the content feeling.

Age 7-12:

I am the boy who stood up to bullies and live to tell the tale.

I am that boy who shed many tears, touched by the inspiring words of my god parents.

I am that snobbish boy who thought he knew everything.

I am that brat who almost got kicked out from school for subjecting in 3 fights where the opponents... bleeded...profusely.

I am that fatty that went around school making lil girls weep, big boys shameful and teachers mad.

I am that brat who thinks girls are creation of the Devil.

I am that kid who acted so tough, but almost lost to a girl in a fight. She was 1 head taller k????

I am the boy which teacher nvr expected of scoring straight A's.

Age 12-14:

I am that teen who took an arrow for you, it was almost fatal, yet...cupid did not strike hard enough.

I am that bf who took your love for granted.

I am that teen whom went on a dieting plan all for the courage of speaking to you.

I am that teen who seemed so cold, but feeling all awful inside.

I am that teen who falls sick the day after his first clubbing experience.

Age 14-16:

I am the confused teen... praying for forgiveness and guidance...
I'm sorry I broke another heart.

Age 17-18:

I am that friend who got hated for being subdued in this feeling known as love.

I am that victim of cupid once more... this time... the arrow pierced both hearts... It was fatal...
for me...
for sure...

I am that silly boy who walks around the corridor back and forth just to get a good glance at you.

I am that boy who lingers round the canteen before the break of dawn just to get a word with you.

I am the boy who prepared breakfast for you only to find out how much u hated kaya.

I am that boy...who went against my curfue of reaching school at the very last minute, to taking taxi in the early 6 in the morning so we get to meet.

I am that dengue patient who fought till my very last breath, nvr failing to attend classes, all in the purpose... of your mesmerizing smile.

I am that hopeless friend who neglected friendship in trade of love. I am sorry...

I am the concerned bf who fails to sleep at night worrying about your safety in clubbing.

I am the asshole who hogged on the phoneline so long, you do not have time to study.

I am that hopeless bf who doesnt understand you.

I am the bf, who held on so tight, regardless of any obstacles ahead.

I am... that ex, who shed more than 1 tear knowing that we were nvr meant to be...

I am that ex, who still stalks around your house, violate your privacy, hack your student account, after breakup.

I am that ex, whom made your friends so pissed, for making them to promise to look after you over and over again.

I am that ex who still thinks you are good...just sorry I nvr understand you.

I am that ex which guilt still haunts for imprinting harsh words I never meant, into your memory.

Age 19:

I am that ex of yours who believes if I put enough effort into it, our expired love could be fermented into tasty friendship.

I am that successful patient who overcomed that traumatizing virus known as 'LOVE'.

I am that friend who will try his best to keep you guys happy. Thanks for depositing faith in me. The interests are better now, will definitely improve later. I wont fail you guys.

I am that man who thinks he is ready for another Cupid's arrow. Bring it on.

I am that grateful child, teen, ex and friend I am today. All thanks to you guys for walking down this pavement of growth with me.

Happy...2 Years Anniversary... NOT!

It has been 2 years...
still I remember that feeling of excitement aroused from just simply placing my hand upon velvety smooth palm...
The feeling... is remarkable...
As if she was meant for me...how my palm fits so perfectly into hers...
Her fair complexion captured my every attention without much consent of what is happening around the globe.
My world simply revolves around her's...
From that moment... I knew... we were meant to be together... as long as time allows...

Without much delay... I proposed an engagement...
waiting for her answer... seems like forever...
my heart stop beating for a very minute...
even lights travel slower in sight...i can see particles of air interacting with the glazing beam from the moonlight in slow motion...
And... her answer was...

as everyone expected... "YES!"
oohhh...... i leaped into the air crossing the atmosphere then the stratosphere and soon out of the ozone ... what a feeling!
without further delay...
I slip in our engagement sticker upon her index finger...
the gigantic initial 'P' upon her finger which signifies our love for one another.

It is against all odds that we finally reach this state of marriage...
this week...was our 2 years anniversary... finally i gathered enough courage to propose a further improvement in our relationship...
a marriage!
it didnt took long for her to agree...
I knew it in my mind...
After so much obstacles that we have went through side by side... together...
it's impossible for her to refuse my proposal...
The very nite, I bought her a bottle of perfume that serenades her beauty which blends in perfectly with her lavish appearance...

And the momentum integrates itself by the seconds as I anxiously waited for the marriage ceremony which involves me taking off our engagement sticker...
I placed my hands upon her beautiful fingers... every single one formed in perfection...
and peeled off the sticker...
We are finally together...for good...
It was our honeymoon nite...
I showered with her... o... the curve on her body... her anime-liked eyes...
I cant believe the fact that we are finally together for good...
She is simply... flawless...

The nite falls, I slipped into something that suits the occasion and went off with her...
She smelled so good... she's using the perfume I gave her...
I was so flattered... I smiled like a Paul Frank all the way to the destination.

Sigh, Mikel... u are right...
my blog is always sad...
leaves no exception for this entry as well...

disaster always have to head into my way...
and turn my world topsy turvy.

Finally I reached the destined location...Sri Petaling.
where the nite life is great and the food is good. A beautiful town colored by shimmering neon lights and profusely painted signboards. Ahh... what a perfect location to celebrate this historical moment...
We slowly cruise about to find a perfect spot to settle down for some serious talking... involving only her...and I...
We finally found a perfect spot! yes!!!! it was there!!!! We slowed down and to adjust our position so we could fit perfectly into the spot...and ..and... out of no where... a fury motorist charged into our direction and plunged his... his... *censored* ....thingie... .....ahhh!!!! I cant elaborate further!!!!!!!!!! I need time to heal from the trauma....

My wife pushed me away... and she took it into her arse....
AH!!!!!!! .... the pain.... was excruciating...
She did not scream...neither did she moan in pain... I knew... she just wanted me to feel better....
The motorist just speed off into the mist.... and never to be seen again....

The scar will always remain upon her arse...
It was our 2 years anniversary!!!! WHY DO U HAVE TO DO THIS TO HER?????????
WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO U OR UR FAMILY???????

Tears fell from my eyes...
Blood dripped from my heart...
She no longer perfect...
Neither flawless....
It was all my fault...
If i hadn't brought her to such dark areas within the city...
this would nvr have happened!!!!!

I'm sorry...
I'm sorry lou por...
...
For...give....

me...

Friendship

Perpetual friendship has always been a propaganda to cheat innocent young souls into believing that they have actually found someone whom they could link with and the link between the two or more parties would last for eternity.
It has been a conspiracy all along.
At least not yours.
But definitely mine.

Friends came and go in my life.
Never before a single soul that I have encountered is willing to bare the pain of being my eternal friend.
Is it due to my awful scent that is capable of bring the deceased back from the dead?
Or my back-stabbing-appearance that deceived even the masters of conmen?

Sigh...
And then these few friends appeared and shed a dimn light upon my shadow casted past...
They are whom i regard as True friends.

Yet... Perpetual is such a heavy word that bares so much responsibility to uphold.
Friendship is never easy to upkeep.
Never to mention 8 years of friendship.
To a friend who thought of himself as insignificant in this tainted world of lies...
you have been living in a world of misconceptions all these while...

You are a part of my life. Current experience of life fully to the extend of 19 years...
you have occupied almost half of it... and you were among the greatest influencial power that came upon my life after Karl Marx's theory on 'equality to all'.

We are all blank sheets of papers upon birth. With every fall, adds another short verse into our life. And you my friend, have filled at least quater of the contents writen in my life.
Yes u have.
In the gaming section,
ranting section,
oh, and definitely the hall of fame for procrastinating.
And proud to say... u have been quoted, cited and placed in the bibliography corner... here... in my heart.

It does sounds gay. But heck...
Our friendship is at stake here...
6 years later... u might be a graduate working for the Royal Army or somewhere in Bosnia working for charity being a freelance doctor.
And I, hopefully working with world reknown architects from around the globe to construct the next big thing after the KLCC.

Never had the courage to send u off to KLIA.
I might be at a lost for words.
And u...probably would struggle to find something that could surge up a conversation.

Years later after we meet again...
The bond between our friendship... might be dusty, rusty... or ever broken.
Just like a really close fren of ours ...
PK...

having to reply me like a stranger...
Life is like a big screen play...rewinding itself from time to time...
If only i could access the remote...and pause it at the happiest moment of the show.
Already I can feel it.
It's like the previous scene that happened between us with PK.
We chat less,
go out less....
and eventually we ran out of topic...
In the end... we dont even bother to contact.
And soon... we are just old trash waiting to be deleted from the recycle bin.

Whatever it is...
A man gotta do...wut a man gotta do.
Indeed... it has been ur dream to break free...
to venture into the unknown.
To see world at its best, at its worst.
To experience the extreme of heat... and the most extreme of frost...
I bid u farewell my friend.
Perpetual friendship might seem like a fantasy...

But u will always... be treated as a true friend of mine.

All the best to you.