Christmas of 09

"Cheers! To an end to 2010," chant the big boss.

On this very day...about 364 days ago...
at this particular hour...
I was in the office.

The very same old office, with the same old employers.
What's different now is that, I'm no longer sitting on the same spot.
No longer a permanent staff of the company.
No longer on a half day leave.
No longer sneaking the office's artificial pine tree for deco.
No longer celebrating christmas with her.

Things have changed over time. I wouldn't say a lot as there are just no means of measuring.
But things are indeed different from what I last recalled.

Can sense the excitement and anticipation that everyone is having.
I need to get away.
To get away from all these up-stir in the heart.
This sector of the office, in which I'm sitting right now... is empty.
Half of the office is on leave.
While I sit here, reminiscing the loveliest moments of 09-10.

Back-dating to a closer event...
about a week ago...
Met up with Darren, and he is back together with the ex gf.
I asked if they're seeing each other again...
He nod but in a shameful manner with a slight shake on the head after the nodding.
His eyes looking on the floor as he does that.

Perhaps, he thinks I'm disappointed in him. Or he's just disappointed with the fact that,
he's not practicing what he preach.

The truth is, I've never judged him, nor despise his choices in life.
It was an act true to the feelings, and if that's what it takes to make him happy, then that is what he should commit to.

If he's in shame, I too should felt a certain degree of shame in my actions.
Although I psycho myself into thinking all these actions are a necessity.
Believing that sealing my feelings away is the best support I can give.

Sometimes, doing nothing takes up most of the energy and concentration.

Yet from time to time...
Feelings leaked from the imaginary seals in the heart and mind.
I wonder how she's doing. Haven't seen her online a while now.
I hope she's doing well.

My christmas wish...
same as the last year.

Hope she's happy.

Always.

Happy.

When Lyrics Overwhelm Words

Best I Ever Had - Vertical Horion

So you've sailed away.
Into a grey sky morning.
Now I'm here to stay.
Love can be so boring...

Nothing's quite the same now.
I just say your name out.
But it's not so bad.
You're only the best I ever had.

You don't want me back.
You're just the best I ever had.

So you stole my world.
Now I'm just a phony.
Remembering the girl,
Leads me down and lonely.

Sending in a letter ,
Make yourself feel better...

It's not so bad.
You're only the best I ever had. =)
You don't need me back...
You're just the best I ever had.

It may take some time to...
Patch me up inside.
I can't take it so now,
I'm running away and hide.

I may find in time that...
You were always right...
You were always right.

So you've sailed away.
Into a grey sky morning.
Now I'm here to stay.
Love can be so boring.

Was this what you wanted?
Could it be I'm haunted...

Well it's not so bad.
You're only the best I ever had.
I don't want you back...
You're just the best I ever had.

It's not so bad...
You're only the best I ever had...
I don't want you back...
You're just the best I ever had.

Best I ever had.

Someone I Knew

Waking up this morning... with a little empty feeling inside.
It's as if a part of me, has been taken away, leaving a void of 'nothing-ness' inside.

Scrolling through the memories, the random scribbles I've made on this platform...
I realized what this void is.
It's you.
It has always been you.

But then... you are no longer...you... I guess...
Not the person I missed.
Not the person I knew.
Not the person I loved.

You threw a lil part of you away to embrace a new change.
And that part is exactly, what makes you special to me.
The part that makes me hate you all the same...yet it's the same fragment of your persona that captivated my heart.

Perhaps, it's a form of suppression.
It used to hurt thinking back of all the wrong decisions you've made...
It used to infuriate me.

But I believe... it's no longer important. Because the person that have caused all these...
is no longer here...for all I know, I might never see her again.
You threw away a part of you... that was also a part of me.

Hidden most of the random scribblings that documented every challenge, every complaints, and every joy we once shared.
In memory of this special someone I once knew.

Whatever will be... will be.
Take care stranger.

I wish you...
love.