Through years of observation,
I came upon this final conclusion that my family has suffered a severe case of stuckupism for I dont know how many generations before me.
No matter how much you may dislike, what sort of role model your parents have for the learning, you tend to pickup certain traits and habits wether you like it or not.
In my case...
no... not the chauvinism, not yet. And lets hope it stay that way...
it's the other thing...
dictatorship.
Starting from my father's generation...
he simply would not take "NO" for an answer.
You either oblige or face the fury of ... god knows what... nvr dared to attempt the unforeseen till now.
To make things simple, displeasing him simply brings more harm than good.
Very seldom he would take advise from one whose position is below him.
Having to become the boss of his own company, easy enough, he takes no advise from anyone at all.
Friends on the other hand is a different story.
He listens attentively towards his so called friends (secretly they are a pack of two-faced sly foxes waiting for the right moment to cheat off some wealth off my dad, but that's for another entry), and more often than not he takes their stupid advises.
sometimes they were good.
most of the time it's just plain stupid.
There are also traces of elitism within the bloodline.
Sad to say... same thing with my mom, both my parents do not tend to listen to one who is of a lower social hierarchy than they are.
These set of bad traits, evolved as it descended towards us.
The potency of such traits lessen...
but the traces are still evident.
My two elder brothers made a perfect mirror of how I act when I lead.
They formed a new branch of suprematism, in which they got so stucked-up in their head...
they tend to turn a little too cocky when proving a point.
The good thing is that we only turn cocky because we can.
As in, we can actually achieve a certain job before boasting about it and not plain talk.
I was observing my brother the other day, how he challenged his subordinates to finish a certain car diagnostic before the clock strikes 6.
They complained that they dont wish to waste time on such bet as they want to get off work fast.
It's the weekend afterall.
Egoistically my brother claimed he can have the job done in 30 minutes if the clock strikes 6, they do not have to worry about leaving work late.
It wouldn't sound all too cocky if he were to only said it once.
then it would seem very much like a slip of honest words.
But he had to repeat that sentence 3 other times to prove a point and to bring further humiliation towards them.
Well, the true humiliation comes in when he really accomplishes the job within the 30 minutes marker with some time to spare for tea.
I observed quietly by the side...
10 years back... I would be inspired in awe...
would idolized my capable brother upon a pedestal.
Now... I just walk off with a heavy shoulder... and sigh in shame.
It's as if snippets of my campus life were being played before me.
Who knows how many friends and colleagues I've pissed off before this.
I do realise I tend to get a little carried away when I can accomplish what others can't.
And certain demonstration of rage were given with an excuse of lubricating the progress of a job.
But I figured, there are more subtle ways in which I can get the job done.
This way I don't have to piss so many sides off.
I took a semester off for the purpose of self exploring...
and experiments.
I slide off all heavy leader duties invested on me.
I would like to observe how others get the job done.
The timid ones got bullied real bad.
Whereas the hard headed leaders got jabbed real hard from the behind by their accomplices.
But one thing is for sure...
Having to observe from afar...I tend to see my previous mistakes... and developed a new set of management skills.
I guess I've made developement in my EQ and leadership from all these.
Would sincerely apologize to my friends, comrades in arm... for putting up to my arrogance over the academic years.
Guess a little modesty goes a long way.
I used to think that ample confidence will highlight a man....
But I find confident, and capable man with a little touch of modesty would definitely shine brighter.
One final try before a new chapter begins in my life.