"Cheers! To an end to 2010," chant the big boss.
On this very day...about 364 days ago...
at this particular hour...
I was in the office.
The very same old office, with the same old employers.
What's different now is that, I'm no longer sitting on the same spot.
No longer a permanent staff of the company.
No longer on a half day leave.
No longer sneaking the office's artificial pine tree for deco.
No longer celebrating christmas with her.
Things have changed over time. I wouldn't say a lot as there are just no means of measuring.
But things are indeed different from what I last recalled.
Can sense the excitement and anticipation that everyone is having.
I need to get away.
To get away from all these up-stir in the heart.
This sector of the office, in which I'm sitting right now... is empty.
Half of the office is on leave.
While I sit here, reminiscing the loveliest moments of 09-10.
Back-dating to a closer event...
about a week ago...
Met up with Darren, and he is back together with the ex gf.
I asked if they're seeing each other again...
He nod but in a shameful manner with a slight shake on the head after the nodding.
His eyes looking on the floor as he does that.
Perhaps, he thinks I'm disappointed in him. Or he's just disappointed with the fact that,
he's not practicing what he preach.
The truth is, I've never judged him, nor despise his choices in life.
It was an act true to the feelings, and if that's what it takes to make him happy, then that is what he should commit to.
If he's in shame, I too should felt a certain degree of shame in my actions.
Although I psycho myself into thinking all these actions are a necessity.
Believing that sealing my feelings away is the best support I can give.
Sometimes, doing nothing takes up most of the energy and concentration.
Yet from time to time...
Feelings leaked from the imaginary seals in the heart and mind.
I wonder how she's doing. Haven't seen her online a while now.
I hope she's doing well.
My christmas wish...
same as the last year.
Hope she's happy.
Always.
Happy.